It's my party and I can cry if I want to

So my birthday was on the 25th of March, but since there are so many March birthdays, I decided to have it the last day before Spring Break. Let's just say I'm glad it's my last party. It was my last party that bid me farewell. Good bye childhood and hello, Mr. Adult. I don't why being adult is a Mr., but oh well.

So first of all I could tell that everybody forgot...well almost everybody about my party on April 6th. I hated that. I hated being forgotten. So everybody arrived. I made and prepared the food. Tacos. We ate tacos. I made meat too because I didn't want to indulge the vegetarians. They'll just have to deal with the fact that meat is soooo good. I told the two Indian - everybody - to be careful. My house has huge windows, white-creme colored carpet, and everything else is basically glass. They broke the glass top on the small table that held the vase with the curly bamboo. The vase with the bamboo was knocked staining the white carpet with green water. I know it was an accident, but I was angry. I was already angry that night. I hate being hostess. I remember I hated beig hostess. WTF! What was I thinking?!

But it just shows that I need a break from them, so I won't raise my temper at that them. I hate that. Because I hold grudges. I'm a pessimist and I remember every bad thing. It's what I do. It's bad I know. I working on it!

Even after all that breakage and my party, they still had the gall to borrow fifteeen of MY dvds. I hate that. It happened all at once. All these things. I was going to explode, so I spent fifteen minutes cleaning up the dinner while everybody watched Casino Royale. I need to cool off. I had to. I was going to EXPLODE.

S, N, A, SS, P, AL, L, and AF came. JT, C, and B aka BO couldn't make it. Here's a rundown of my friends. I've known S and C forever - since elementary school. Crazy. I love them. N is my best friend. We get each other. It's scary. We can finish each other sentences. Those are three of the Sisterhood. A is part of too, but I feel the most disconnected with her. I don't feel like there's a sisterhood bond between us.

The week that never ended.

It's been too long. Last week was a bitch. B-I-T-C-H. I had a memorization quiz and a chapter test in Calc on Tuesday and Thursday, which I took on Friday. Then I had The K layout due on Wednesday. Plus it was finals week at the CC. I have a week of Spring Break until college starts.

So all last week, I was working on layout for the The K, SWHS' news magazine. I had less time to do layout because it was only a week and a half though I have about three weeks to work on it. But all my articles, photos, and graphics were given to me late. How am I suppose to work on something if I don't have it until the very last minute. DL did't given me his articles or his photos until two o'clock, twenty-five minutes before final pages are due. Also AD had to revise hers for an hour after scool. I fucking hate that class now. I have put about two and half years into the paper. I can't wait to do the last issue because I'll be phased out and I won't have to deal with Ms. G's passive aggressiveness and her PMS moods. And I GM will be gone forever. Out of my life. One of the best parts about graduating is that I won't have to deal with Mr. S either. I hate him too. He can't teach. I hate the whole Math Department.

I know ranting's a bitch. By the way, I'm 18 now. My birthday was on Sunday. : )

Do you want to be my pen pal?

I've been watching "You Got Mail" and that movie just makes me want to have a pen pal. Do you want to be my penpal? The conversations between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are so good. It's so tempting to have a conversation with someone, who knows nothing about you and that you don't even have to meet. It's so easy to spill everything to a stranger. Trust me. I've done it before. Once after finals I was very stressed out and sick. I was staying home on a Friday night and I got a call around 7:30ish. It was like....

ME: Hullo? cough, cough
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: Hi. Is there?
ME: No. cough
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: American Mortgage.....blah...blah...blah.
ME: Look. I'm not interested in American Mortgage whatever. Nor will we be interested in it in the the future.
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: So what are you interested in?
ME: WHAT?!....I'm interested in my calculus grade. sniffle
Telemarketer/Therpist Guy: Are you in college or high school?
ME: I'm taking AP Calc. cough
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: I'll bet you'll fine. What's your grade?
ME: C-plus. Where are you calling from?
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: Portland.
ME: Oh..... Thanks.
Telemarketer/Therapist Guy: I'll bet you'll do fine. Feel better.
ME: Thanks. cough

That was one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had.

My head is a box filled with nothing...that's the way I like it

It's true. My head is a box filled with nothing. I really hate school because it's taking me forever to graduate. Today, I skipped school to finish my Yoga final. I'm serious. I have a yoga final. It was the best final I've ever taken. I'm going to basically do nothingfor the rest of the day. Well...I probably have to work on my newspaper, The K. It's so fucking frustrating because everybody who's working on my section hasn't turned anything in yet. What the fuck?! I hate this because I need all the time I can get, which isn't much.

Today is S's birthday. She's 18! And she has ten days to do something new. She picked laser tag. I have to think of my something new. What the hell am I suppose to do? Seriously, what am I suppose to do.

I'm so sick of school and the people. Even my friends are getting dull. I mean SS is getting so annoying. Can she shut up for one minute and stop acting like a five year old? I appreciate her youth immaturity, but it's really getting to me. I never see A and I hate the fact that she hasn't turned in her articles. JT, Fish, AL, and BO are okay. They're not annoying me, but sometimes they can be such prudes. I've toned my swearing around them. Not on purpose, but I've toned it down a lot to fit in. N is so annoying right now. She laughs really loud and she's really needy. She doesn't think so, but she is. Really needy. I told her once that she was acting like a needy girlfriend. She didn't get it. She's like "But I'm not your girlfriend." It was a fucking metaphor. I think I need to take a break from her. These days I feel like I'm in a cage. Like a tiger in cage. Not good.

Roar!

M

Feeling Insomnia Yet Again

I can't sleep. I've been complaining about my lack of sleep, but I can't sleep. Sometimes I'm tempted to take a pill of Benedryl just so I can rest for a while. WASL begins tomorrow and I'm so glad that I get to "sleep in." Well...I get the chance to. I don't have to go to school until 10 tomorrow, but I stil feel so busy. I haven't done any work. I say this all the time, but seriously, I always think this, "Why can't I get off my lazy ass and do something?" I love those people who the motivation and drive to do things. Because I don't have it, but I have so much responsibility. And because of that responsibility, I just want to runaway and get away from the world.

I guess this is why I like having a blog. I don't know anyone. It feels so private and public all at the same time. I love my privacy, but there's always a part of me that needs to tell someone without them judging me, which doesn't exist. This wouldn't be the first time I spilled stuff to a stranger. I have a habit of confessing things to telemarketers. I can't help it because sometimes they call me at the most inconvenient time. It sucks for them having to call all these angry people (like me) who just hang up on the them or having psycho people (like me, again!) confess everything like they're therapists or something.

So today...or do I mean yesterday, I was basically kidnapped by my two best friends in the whole world, S and N. All three of went to N's house and basically watched The Sweet Thing and talked about ugly vintage dress and our very distraught friend C. Because of things going on with C, whom I've known since I was eight, I feel lost and confused. I like to get lost on purpose because I feel of sense of control, but with all that she's dealing with, I hate feeling lost and confused. I don't feel in control and I feel vunerable, which I absolutely hate.

Today, JT sent me some of the photos from Blue Scholars Concert. The pictures up top are the ones we took before JT's batteries ran out. If you don't who the Blue Scholars are, you're missing out. I'm no myspace person, but check them out here. It was awesome though I do think A should have gotten credit for all the work, but M got all the credit. I hate that girl. I hate her. She and the other 1600 people at school are the reasons why graduating is so sweet. I can't wait to get away from the people. Once I'm done, I going to cut all my ties to this school and just fuck it and move on.

I think I'm ready to sleep now. Peace, love, and goodnight.

Busy Sundays

My first blog....jeez. I don't know why I getting one because I never continue something. I don't know. This might fun.

So I'm avoiding homework. I'm a senior in high school. It's what I'm suppose to do. Do my teachers really expect me to do homework? I have senioritis bad. Really really bad. I don't know what to do about it becuase there isn't a cure. I wish there was because I used to be motivated. Really motivated. I used to be a good student. : (

Oh well....